sisters, there is a teenage sister struggling to heal after exiting an abusive relationship with a male.
if you had any words of how you regained your wholeness and sense of worth after leaving an abusive man, that would be kind.
this sister is really hurting and your single act of kindness could make a powerful difference during a very important healing window of time.
oh beautiful warrior goddess ~ wherever you are, whoever you are, i am sending you so much love. i first read this a few hours ago, and it made me so upset knowing you are going through the same sort of pain i have endured. it resonates so deeply with me. i have been thinking about you ever since. i am so happy that you are on the road to recovery! we are survivors, you are a survivor.
i was in an on and off relationship from the ages of 15-19 with an emotionally, mentally, physically abusive male partner. i have endured manipulation, isolation, blackmail, embarrassment, shame, horrible sense of self worth, and sexual abuse at the hands of men. it is hard for me now to even share this so publicly, but for another sister i will do whatever i can to help in your healing journey
know that you did not deserve any of the abuse you have suffered. you are not weak for having stayed in the relationship. you are strong, you are a warrior, you are a goddess and abusive men are so unworthy of your greatness. wake up in the morning, knowing each day you get a bit stronger. do not make light of any small victory you have made and will make. every victory should be celebrated. you got yourself out of an abusive relationship, which is such an incredibly hard thing to do. YOU got yourself out and i am SO proud of you sister!!!! that is the hardest and biggest step in this healing process.
its very important to know that you did not deserve the pain you endured. you are not responsible for the horrible actions of others. i found it exhausting, and ultimately useless to try to figure out why he treated me so horribly. some people are shitty and that’s all there is to it. he has since cried to me about it, apologized profusely and blamed his family life, being young and not knowing how to handle his emotions. none of those excuses, or any other bullshit excuses men come up with are acceptable. there is no reasonable excuse for inflicting abuse on another human. you are undeserving of any sort of abuse.
my abusive ex and i broke up over 4 years ago, but i am still healing. healing is a journey not meant to be rushed. i would advise that you continue seeking out other women who have dealt with the sort of pain you are going through. its often difficult for other young people to understand the abuse you have endured. i found it made my suffering worse to try to share a little bit of the pain i was going through with close friends of mine and have them downplay it, or not really address it. i know it’s not fair to expect others to be equipped with even processing that sort of information, but seeing everyones react so nonchalantly to me literally crying out for help is a big part of the reason i stayed in the relationship, because i thought i was making it seem worse than it was. seeking the guidance and solidarity from women who are also survivors helps so much. i joined forums and read countless survivor stories from women who were victims of domestic abuse, and it really helped validate my emotions, and feel a sense of survivor solidarity
let me be one of hopefully many people to tell you: you have nothing to be ashamed of. your feelings are valid. you did not deserve the pain you endured. you did not deserve the pain you endured.
rebuilding your self worth after being in an abusive relationship is so tough. i started doing drugs and exploring my sexuality with other men and women, thinking this was me enjoying my freedom. i was soon in another relationship with another man, and it wasn’t healthy for me either. he made my self worth plummet even more, but i thought it was fine since he wasn’t leaving bruises on my body.
i think it’s best to not rush into another relationships with other people to distract you. other men will most likely make your pain worse and lower your already shaken self worth. i found this only delays the healing process. i was not in a good place mentally for a long time after we broke up. i was numbing my pain and distracting myself. it wasn’t until 2 years later that i started to actually heal.
focus your energy inward. do not waste your beautiful life trying to figure out why he is the way he is. some people are shitty and there is no saving or helping them. you are not responsible for his actions.
working on my self worth is what helped the most. reading books by women who have suffered any abuse or injustices helped me. reading books about getting in touch with my inner goddess helped me recognize my power. repeating out loud mantras and reminding myself throughout the day (even still 4 years later) that i am strong, i am a survivor, i am a warrior, i am a goddess helps me so much. exercising, stretching, working on breathing patterns helped me immensely, feeling myself get physically stronger was very empowering. continuing to take a stand for myself in all relationships in life helped empower me. being gentle with myself helps, allowing slow growth to happen and not rush myself helps. knowing that this is all a long journey helps me. talking with other women, sending this message out to you sister, is helping. thank you for reaching out to sister redhester ~ i am so happy to have come across this posting.
you are a goddess, undeserving of any pain. you are strong and i am so proud of you. i love you very much, and wish you all the best on your journey of healing. please know that my inbox is always open for you, and if you’d like to exchange an easier way to communicate i will send you my email address. i am standing in solidarity with you sister, sending you so much love. <3